Hello, friends. How's everyone doing? 

I'm ok - last Friday Google went through a huge round of layoffs so it was a pretty intense week. I’m grateful that my job is safe, but it was very emotional to see friends and mentors impacted. 

It's one thing to read about something like this happening - I remember following the Twitter chaos of last year so closely and thinking how grateful I was to be at Google, a place that felt so stable and comfortable. 

Needless to say this has been a wakeup call that everything is fragile. If you were impacted by the layoffs (Google or otherwise) and need anything from a listening ear to resume help (I'm really good at that!), please don't hesitate to reach out. I also really loved Anne Helen Peterson’s Culture Study this week about “Layoff Brain” - a great read. 

Today's Brightside is all about rituals, routines, and habits - I hope you enjoy.

By this point in January, hopefully your social feeds have been cleansed of New Years Resolution content and you're settling into the rhythm of 2023. I'm not huge on resolutions, but I do love the "refresh" that comes at the start of the year and I think it's a great time to clean up our habits, routines, and rituals. 

"Habits" used to trigger anxious feelings for me, because I thought they meant rigor at the expense of freedom, which I value deeply. But I've come to realize that (some) structure is actually the key to freedom.  

I read a New York Times piece last year about daydreaming that I find myself thinking about often - specifically this passage: 

Guard the margins — those seemingly unimportant parts of our day and time. Margins on a page can seem like wasted space (wouldn’t it save trees if we wrote or printed across the whole page?), but all that blank space helps us to read and take in information. We need the blank spaces. We need moments when we get no input, no news, no videos, no memes, no opinions. We need moments when we space out, daydream, when our minds go blank.

My early 20 were consumed by trying to maximize the pages of my life, literally. In college, my notebooks were more consumed with doodles than actual notes - and anyone who knew me from ages 20-25 can attest that I never sat still, I was always on the go. Something in me felt a need to use up all the whitespace, to do the most. 

But over the past year or so of living alone, I’ve been surprised to find myself relishing the time I have to sit still, lay on my couch, and space out. It would literally shock my 23-year-old self to know how much time I spent in the past year doing nothing. 

Sitting still used to feel like a death sentence. In my early 20s I had a voracious appetite for all of the adventure New York City offered me, but if I reflect more honestly, I think back then being alone and still with myself was something that was really uncomfortable and unfamiliar. 

Therapy, meditation, and writing have been hugely helpful in getting more comfortable with the stillness - and creating some structure with my habits, routines, and rituals have been key to unlocking the "margins" in my life and improving my relationship with myself. 

My hope with today's Brightside is that it gets you thinking about how to infuse more of what feels good to YOU into your day so that you, too can enjoy the margins. 

Mkay so, what do I mean when I say habits, routines, and rituals? Here are my definitions: 

Habits - sources will define habits differently - but to me, habits are things that are automatically going to happen. It’s easy to think “wait, I don’t have any habits or consistency in my life” - but that’s not true. We all go to sleep and we all wake up, so there are two big ones right off the bat. And typically do the same 2-3 things right before or after. Atomic Habits talks a lot about “habit stacking” which basically means bundling habits on top of things you already know you’re going to do every way. I’ve had a lot of success with slowly building up habits with that strategy, for example: 

Waking up - I get up, make tea, write down my dreams in my notes app, make my bed 
Going to sleep - clean my kitchen, do my skincare, bed. Simple, but helps me go to bed feeling like I did something productive, and signals to my brain that I’m winding down. 

Routines - Routines, to me, are somewhere between habits and rituals. They’re like … a fun little string of events that happen almost every day that make the things you have to do more enjoyable. I guess what sets them apart from habit stacking is that they’re a little more infused with intention and energy.

Rituals - And then we have rituals, which are supercharged with intention. These might not be things you do every day, but you reach for them on special occasions or to help you get into a certain headspace. 
My favorite example: taking a bath. I ritualize it by making sure that my kitchen and bedroom are clean beforehand, I have some nice candles lit, and a vibey playlist on. I like to dry brush my body before the bath to center myself, and then I sit in the tub for probably way longer than I should and just vibe. 
But other rituals could include: cooking yourself a gorgeous meal, watching a virtual movie with a friend (Kim and I have been doing this every Sunday night, it’s so fun!!), reading your favorite book, doing something to honor a New or Full Moon - the list goes on and on and on!! 

All this is to really say is that habits and structure don't have to be this rigid and menacing prison you box yourself into. They should be something that feel like you are enabling yourself to be you most joyful, fulfilled, and well rested version of yourself. 

And theres a lot of content out there on this topic, so: 

Here are some things that have helped:

• Splurging on a Hatch Lamp to feel like I’m waking up with the sun (the white noise at night is also a game changer) 
• The Ayurvedic Self Care Handbook completely changed the way I think about structuring my day (and helped me think about ways to apply some of the concepts talked about in Atomic Habits)
• Meditating with the Waking Up or Chani app 
• This is Your Brain on Food 
• Allowing every day to look different 

And some things that absolutely have NOT: 

• Strict scheduling 
• Trying to copy other people's routines 
• Scrolling first thing in the AM or right before bed  
• Shaming myself into routines!!! 
• Setting unrealistic expectations 

Not everything works for everyone—and thats ok! Finding your own groove with your rituals is trial and error, with error being part of the process. What works for me may not work for you at all, so be open to experimenting to find out what works for you.  And if you discover something revolutionary that does work, let a girl know!