Yet Augustine, one of the greatest of the Church Fathers, has more cautions to offer about friendship. In his book Confessions, he explores an incident where he stole some pears along with a group of his peers. Why did he do it, he wonders? What caused him to enter into the evil of theft? It was not because he was hungry. No, rather, it was the sin itself that he desired. “I loved my fall, not the object for which I had fallen but my fall itself.” He follows this up by observing that the influence of bad companions increases that desire for sin.
Augustine’s observation dovetails with Solomon’s proverb: “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed.”
In the school setting, friendships can inspire to diligence, excellence, kindness, and holiness. They can also do the opposite.
A friendship can be virtuous or vicious.
It is important for parents not to assume that just because a friendship was formed in a Christian school or at church that it is a virtuous friendship. It is important to walk with your kids in their friendships and disciple them in how to choose friends and how to relate to those friends well. It is important to encourage your kids and their friends in deeds of love and kindness, to spur them on to having a virtuous friendship rather than a vicious one.
Just as some kids don’t know how to automatically ride a bike, they don’t always automatically know how to make a friend or treat a friend well. They need parental instruction and training wheels to learn how to ride proficiently. Role playing how to treat friends with your young children can help develop this skill. Observing your child while he is at play with a friend and intervening to provide guidance is a blessing to both children. Discussing how a park date went and brainstorming ways to do it better next time is a great tool to help the child consider how her actions impact the friendship.
So, the next time your kids are having a playdate or a hangout, consider—how can I help this friendship be a blessing to my child and the children she is with? How can I be intentional about giving my child the gift of friendships that will spur him—and them—on to that kindness, diligence, excellence, and holiness that we all want for our children?
