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Dear Friend,
On the list of top favorite moments so far in 2023 is the few minutes at the end of recording an episode of the podcast The Wonder Dome with host/friend Andy Cahill and collaborator/friend Eric Larson. As a delightful cherry on top of a conversation that wove through ideas of vulnerability, transparency, safety, and foolishness, Eric invited us to turn our cameras just a bit…
…to un-curate the well-considered framework of our video conference backgrounds.
As much as I loved seeing what was revealed in their spaces, my very favorite part of that experience was in sharing mine. In fact, the first thing you hear after Eric’s invitation is his laughter-filled exclamation about a dinosaur…
…the one sitting on my window sill.
I’ve recently engaged with a therapist for the first time in years. Mostly, I was curious. After all of these years of coaching and working with coaches, what would it feel like, be like, do like to partner with a person who took such a very different path to a similar framework as mine?
Since the last session, I’ve been wondering if what I’m most appreciating about therapy is having an attentive, focused, thoughtful audience for my old stories. There’s something about retelling them in that space, with her light peppering of curiosity-stirrers and reflections, that feels somehow refreshing.
Experiencing these as they happened and rereading this as I write it, I notice the same feeling arise: sheepishness.
Somewhere along the way, a linty idea that it was somehow safer to be a little invisible and/or more polite to not want to be seen stuck to the velcro of my psyche.
Noticing this linty idea will not flip any switches in me – I won’t suddenly not feel sheepish when I notice the pleasure of feeling seen.
Noticing your linty ideas – the stubborn old messages that work on your unconscious to limit how you shine into the world – won’t flip any switches in you.
Noticing these things does, however, create a point of vigilance, a place to return to when we notice our own discomfort.
As in, when I notice sheepishness or a shrinking into myself, I now have the thought, “This is actually a linty thing, not a Me thing,” to return to.
And that, my friend, is a step toward showing up in our own lives with more consciousness and intentionality rather than continuing to be bullied by the old stories of yore.
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other ways to engage with me
1. coaching because you have more wisdom than you're seeing
(schedule a chat to explore if coaching would be a meaningful tool for your Now)
2. humaning: zines about human things
(new ones coming out on the regular)
3. all up in it
(conversations about being ever-growing humans)
4. chomp & chat
(because this is your community)
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the wonder dome
That podcast I mentioned above? Here it is, with all of its depth and laughter, a recorded meeting of a mutual admiration club meeting of fools and philosophers.
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Over the weekend, I took a wrong turn on the way to pick up Theresa's aunt for lunch. Wrong turns can be oddly uncomfortable for me but somehow, I had the presence to follow Theresa's lead by enjoying the novel scenery on the trip that had just gotten a bit longer... and since it was already an hour drive with unexpected twists and turns, I decided to defy the app by turning again, and driving Theresa by a house where I lived for seven years, perhaps my favorite piece of home property and land so far.
It was a beautiful day and a beautiful drive. We sang along with John Prine and Bonnie Raitt and oohed & aahed when we saw the season's first calves sprinkled through the pastures we passed.
Andy called our podcast episode "Reset the Frame" and Theresa certainly inspired me to do exactly that as we rediscovered mountain roads and back ways on one spectacular day.
Wishing you joyful resetting of your frame as you step into this sparkly new week.
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With love and gratitude for all you are,
SB
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I love these three touchstones for speaking good trouble:
“One: Did you mean it? Two: Can you defend it? Three: Did you say it with love?”
Watch Luvvie Ajayi Jones in her TED Talk: Getting Comfortable being Uncomfortable
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