During week one of our series we talked about why we date. In week two of our series we started to go over how to date in a healthy way. Ironically, the first step in dating in a healthy way is learning how to be single.There is a stigma in culture and sometimes in the church, that if you’re single, you’re missing something. Usually these can be unintentional, like an adult asking if you’re dating, planning on getting married, asking how many kids you want and when you’ll start having them.
Plus, we live in the culture full of Disney movies and Rom-Coms. Everyone views relationships in such a high regard. We have fallen in love with falling in love.
With both of these realities, it can feel like being single is lame, or like there’s something wrong. Worse of all, it can make students feel like there is something wrong with them. As if they, by themselves, are not enough.
But we believe that your worth isn’t determined by your relationship status. And on top of that, there is a way to be single and whole, single and fulfilled, and my favorite, single and happy. Jesus was the example for all the above. He lived life to the full, yet had no significant other.
As much as we want to see our students win at dating relationships, we also want them to know that they, by themselves, are good enough and that they’re aren’t missing a piece of their lives. Life doesn’t begin after marriage.
Our main point for this sermon was that singleness is not a setback(see rant above), but rather it is the starting point. We believe that when you are single, you can work on yourself to become a healthy individual. And the healthier you are, the better you will be when you finally get into a relationship.
We used an analogy of making an omelet.
If you have a good egg, and a rotten egg and make an omelet, your omelet is going to taste bad.In the same way, if you put a healthy person in a relationship with an unhealthy person, the relationship is going to stink.
The biblical wisdom we used for this point is found in Matthew 7. Jesus is teaching on judging others, and his point is that you first look at yourself and your own issues(the plank in your eye) before you go out and try to point out others issues(the saw dust in someone else’s eye.) Although this passage is about judging others, I think we can find the wisdom in here about being diligent with your own issues and becoming a healthy individual on your own, before going out and trying to find someone who has all of those same qualities. Be boyfriend/girlfriend material(as the kids would say) before you go and look for someone who is.
Lastly, I wanted the students to know that they could start learning how to be a good spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend before they’re even in a relationship. You can learn how to serve, love, value others, and communicate, all while being single. All of those characteristics can be learned in friendships and in family systems.
The healthier of an individual you are, the healthier your future relationships will be.
Encourage healthy dating relationships with your students, but also remind them that even if they stayed single for the rest of their lives, that would be okay.
Becoming a healthy individual for future relationships sounds good, but remind them that ultimately they’re first becoming healthy for themselves. Which first benefits them, but then also blesses any relationship down the road, romantic or not.
I’m excited for the rest of this sermon series, and hope these emails are helpful! Let me know if you have any questions! See you next week!
-Pastor Andrew
