In a session last week the topic of Ego-talk came up. Some clients were speaking in a negative tone about their superiors and bosses, using name-calling and creating an "us versus them" or "me against them" attitude.

Ego-talk is when we want to prove that we're right, and the others are wrong. This made me think, why is this so dangerous?

First of all, when you're in ego-talk, you're protecting yourself - you're in a scarcity, below the line, fight or flight response. So your rational brain isn't really working well.

Secondly, by calling someone a jerk or even worse, and the person isn't in the room, you're making that person out to be something negative in your mind, and that negativity spreads to the rest of the people in the room. That's really not productive and it doesn't take you forward. When next you see this person, your psyche is wired to think about him or her in a negative way. You've labeled them a jerk. How will they not be a jerk when you see them? You'll be looking out for proof that you were right and that this person is a jerk.

So what can we do?

Whenever you find yourself starting name-calling or protecting yourself and making yourself be right and someone else being wrong, think and use your rational brain. Think above the line, be creative, and think, "Okay, why is this happening?"

Then think, how can I make this experience a positive one? How can I be in a place where I can look for opportunities to improve, opportunities for me to go forward? It might be this person is hampering my growth or this person is getting in the way, but how can I be in a place where I'm above the situation? Where I go forward and I have my psyche, my brain geared in such a way that I am looking for opportunities and growth, and not in a place where I'm protecting myself and fighting and trying to make the other person be wrong.

If we show up in this way, we'll also get the best reaction from that other person. We'll be able to help them be better, to be able to help us be a bit better. And if we're not a match for each other, and we're not supposed to work together, that's fine too. We'll find a way, or I'll find a way, because I'm in my rational brain, and I can go forward.

So there you have it: watch out for ego-talk. Whenever you catch yourself in that place, stop, reframe, and think in your creative brain, how can you make the situation be better?

I hope this is helpful. More next week.