A week ago Sunday we got together with some friends we haven't seen in awhile for a drink and live music at the beach. Somehow my friend and I got on the subject of something we have in common that's a bit unusual and even a little uncomfortable to share. Each of our brothers, our only sibling, had severe depression and committed suicide.
As we sat across the table from each other sharing our feelings about this tender topic one of those white fuzz balls that are floating in the air passed between us at eye level. It felt like a symbolic element in the context of our conversation not-to-be-ignored. We both recognized it as synchronistic and acknowledged it with a . . .
"H-E-L-L-O!"
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I think it might have been the only fuzz ball I saw all day. The fact that it floated perfectly centered between us at eye level, the very moment we were talking about our deceased brothers, seemed suspicious in a good way.
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My brothers name is Tim. When we arrived home after our visit with friends I realized that it was the anniversary week of his death. We don't know the exact date, all we know is that it was the week before Easter when he took his life at his apartment in Avila Beach.
The last time I saw him was at Mr. Ricks on December 28th, 1994 to celebrate his 30th birthday. I scattered his ashes from an airplane over San Luis Bay in April 1995. Rather than visit the marker at the cemetery this year, I felt the nudge to offer a beach qigong class in his honor.
My regular Thursday class was the best option according to the elements so I moved the class to the beach. When I arrived I was surprised at how busy it was and how difficult it was to find parking. I wondered if anyone would show. Karen was the first to arrive.
I haven't seen Karen in over a year, it was sweet to catch up with her one-on-one before the others arrived. She shared that she invited a friend to join us for class and he's never done qigong before. Then she received a text message from him and said, "Tim is on his way." This synchronicity of Tim showing up for class made me aware that I was experiencing what I call a waking dream.
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My experience of a waking dreams is when I become aware of synchronicities in my immediate reality and my senses are piqued. I feel the increasing presence and pressure of my psyche trying to get information to my conscious awareness from the subconscious.
Because the information is coming from the subconscious, the elements in the communication are non linear and discernible only through an ability to read the signs and felt sense of inner truth. It's like interpreting a sleep dream only you're awake and the subjects of the dream are in your physical reality.
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I felt all my senses up-level to a hyper-awaren state. I suspected that Karens friend Tim had a message for me and I was prepared to pay close attention to what he had to say. When he arrived for class I noted that he was probably close to the age my brother would be today.
I introduced myself and told him I understood that this was his first experience with qigong. He shared that he didn't know anything about qigong but he remembered his dad doing this thing with his hands as he demonstrated some familiar movements. When Tim asked his dad what he was doing his dad replied, "I'm gathering my qi."
Tim went on to say that he could never figure out what his dad was talking about. He said, "I never understood what he meant by qi." He then asked me if this was the same qi in qigong and I confirmed. I explained the concept in a bit more detail before class and he seemed curious.
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After class I checked in with Tim about his first experience of qigong. He said it went ok and shared that towards the end of his fathers life he had fallen off a trailer and attempted to break his fall with both arms and sadly, instead ended up breaking both arms.
Before the injury Tims dad was healthy. Within a year of the broken bones he had developed two types of cancer in different parts of his body and died within a year.
He shared that his dad told him after the fall, "I think I've lost my qi." Again, Tim didn't know what his dad was talking about until he attended the qigong class. He left with a better understanding of what his dad was trying to communicate.
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By the way he shared it with me, I sensed that he had always wondered about this qi that his dad had been referring to. It reminds me of something I've been aware of in my own experience...
When you are sincerely curious about something and you hold that question in your mind, you will attract the answer in a surprising way.
The answer can and will often come about through a sleeping or waking dream.
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I was happy for Tim to have attracted this awareness and feel a connection with his father. I also wondered why I attracted this experience into my awareness. I knew that when Karen said her friend Tim was coming it had something to do with my brother so I let the curiosity simmer over the week and payed attention to the signs.
I came to realize that what Tims dad and my brothers stories have in common is a severe qi deficiency that led to their lives ending short. My brother had a difficult birth and a soul crushing life. What Tim shared help me recall that my brother Tim had significant pain and two back-to-back surgeries shortly before he ended his life.
It's clear to me, and according qigong masters and energy wise people, breaking bones, experiencing chronic pain, having surgeries, being depressed, chronic stress, living a fearful and anxious life, etc. are all ways that our qi gets depleted to the extreme. When our bodies are drained of life force energy, we are vulnerable to harmful thoughts, disease, and death.
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At the time of Tims suicide in 1995 I didn't know about qi either. A missing piece fell into place regarding the multiple qi depleting experiences that led up to my brothers decision.
I had never put it together until now and it was Tim who provided the missing piece. I realize that not only does depression deplete our qi, losing our qi contributes to depression.
I was quite content with this series of synchronicities and the awareness that was brought forth, but my psyche wasn't finished with me. There was a prescriptive piece yet to be discerned that would enlighten my consciousness on Saturday.
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It was during a slow, silent, and spacious hike that I heard and felt the loud and clear message wanting to be known. On Thursday, right before I left for the beach class, I had just gotten off the phone with the surgeons office. I called to make an appointment for a consult to address a small hernia that I've been navigating for sometime.
The message that my psyche was trying to get to me all along was a warning of how depleting this procedure can potentially be to my qi. It was a strong directive to begin now to apply all my physical, mental, emotional, nutritional, and energetic tools and awareness to prepare my mind, body, and consciousness for the upcoming restorative process.
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Qigong is a method of self healing that not only helps us heal faster after an injury, it was originally developed to strengthening our entire system in preparation for physical, mental, emotional, and medical challenges.
The key is to remove the obstacles to qi circulation in our system and increase the qi in our environment. This ensures that our consciousness is naturally saturated and circulating with life force energy so we can endure the inevitable, temporary, stressors of life.
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Monday, April 10 @ 10:45 am
Bo Stretch
A full body stretch promoting increased circulation, enhanced mobility and kinetic awareness.
Location: Avila Bay Athletic Club - Membership Required
Tuesday, April 11 @ 12:15 pm
Qigong
Integrating physical movement, mental cultivation and regulated breathing to enhance creativity, immunity, vitality and regenerative capacities.
Location: Avila Bay Athletic Club - Membership Required
Thursday, April 13 @ 4:00 pm
Happy Hour Qigong at the Clubhouse
An end of the day practice to transform physical and mental tension into a relaxing flow of calm and grounded contentment.
Location: Avila Beach Golf Resort Clubhouse
Open to the Public - $10 per person
Payment Options PayPal | Venmo | Cash on Site
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Yielding to
Signs & Synchronicities,
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PS Synchronistically, I was made aware this week that a conversation I recorded two months ago was not yet public on YouTube. It was my error, I uploaded it as a private video and forgot to make it public. You can access the conversation I had with Rosemary Thornton about being healed of crippling grief from her husbands suicide by her own near death experience here ⤵️.
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In 2016, her husband committed suicide and two years later, Rose was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. After a “routine” medical procedure, Rose bled to death. In the afterlife, she was told that if she agreed to return to her life, she’d be restored to wholeness. Subsequently, medical tests affirmed that not only had the disease disappeared, but she was also healed of the crippling grief.
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