Have you ever had that moment when you ‘discover’ (accept) who you really are?

10 years ago, I was preparing for my 40th birthday party.… to be honest it was more of an event 🤣🤪. We had two servings of food on order, a magician, boat ride around Lake Windermere and a disco for 50 people. The party was being held at the venue where we'd got married; I was trying to recreate our wedding day.

This is because, 5 years earlier we’d had to cancel our vows renewal. We wanted to celebrate 10 years of marriage, because the first few had been bumpy. Marriage guidance counselling saved the day.

As we planned our vows renewal, we were also going through IVF treatment. We were trying to keep our lives as normal as possible, as we were massively managing our expectations.

The invitations went out, the venue was booked, and then I got pregnant following the first round of IVF 💗 . We decided to cancel the vows renewal as I would have been very round by the time it came around.

So, 5 years later when my husband said, what would you like to do for your 40th birthday? Would you like a big party at the Cragwood (like the vows renewal we planned) or shall we go on a luxurious holiday?

I opted for the party.

A couple of weeks before my 40th, it started to dawn on me that I would be the centre of attention on the day 🤪😳 . God knows why I didn’t think about this before. In a panic, I asked my husband if we could turn my 40th birthday into a vows renewal, so that all eyes wouldn’t be on me 🤪🤣.

He said ‘erm no!’

We all have blind spots don’t we? Johari’s Window is a brilliant bit of theory on the subject.

 

For years I’d been labelled shy. I knew this about myself and others knew about it. This was in the 'Arena'. What I was rejecting, was the fact I was an introvert. It had come up on countless personality profiles, which initially was a real 'Blindspot'. However, I denied it and created a 'Mask', because back then introversion was a dirty word. I convinced myself that I couldn’t be an introvert, because I was a trainer and speaker.

When we deny, we restrict our opportunity for growth:

Reading the brilliant book, The Introvert Advantage really opened my eyes as to why introversion was a good thing. It enabled me to accept myself and optimise the way I operated, so that I was more effective.

Personal Reflection:

1. What feedback have you had and then denied?
2. When, where and with whom are you not fully yourself and wearing a 'mask'?
3. What beliefs cause you to behave that way?
4. How would you like to be instead and where could you safely practice this new behaviour?

In June there will be no big party. Just lots of mini parties with my family and friends and that trip.

PS the 40th party was amazing & my hubby & I had our dance.

PPS The Group SHINE Programme is coming soon. It transforms busy, stressed out leaders with imposter syndrome, so they SHINE with calm confidence, in 5 simple steps.