“Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it’s next day delivery."
— Mark Simmons
"By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I, but it is the same house and it is the same family."
— Hannah Fairweather
“I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.”
— Anthony Jeselnik
“I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that’s four hours of my life that I’m definitely getting back.”
— Olaf Falafel
