Salutations friends! We have passed the first marker, which used to mean that it was all downhill from here. In recent years, however, the mad crush has been to see who can start celebrating the holiday season first. And this year’s winner is . . . the kids’ books division of Union Square.
Look. It’s been pumpkin spice season for at least three weeks now, which means someone thinks it's okay to pretend that it's almost Christmas. Besides, it’s all a blur anyway once school starts. So, yes, welcome to Hallow-turducken-wassailopalooza—the festivus that runs from now until whenever Krampus shows up to drink all those Jell-o shots you’ve been saving for New Years. You might as well start rooting around in the garage for your holiday lights now because you only have 117 days until you have to take them down.
Of course, none of this is Mo Willems’s fault. He’s just writing another book about that pesky pigeon. This time around, the bird is making big eyes about driving the sleigh for Christmas. And sure, we can say “No,” but as this is the ninth book to feature this persistent pigeon, he knows we're total pushovers.
Which, of course, may or may not be a metaphor for why it’s already pumpkin spice season. If only we were more able to put our feet down more firmly when we say “No! Now is not the time for gourds and spices. Now is the time to put away all the beach balls and sunscreen and croquet mallets. Now is the time to sit and watch the light wane in the evening. To listen to the lingering cries of the night birds. To enjoy the subtle breezes that sweep under the dry branches.”
But we go unheard, don't we? Sure, let the pigeon drive the sleigh. Let the menu items reflect the onset of gourds and spices. Let us harrow ourselves on into the Hallow-turducken-wassailopalooza. Let us—
Hey! A new Stephen King novel.
Once upon a time, the character of Holly Gibney wandered onto the page of one of King’s novels (Mr. Mercedes, in fact). She was meant to be a background character. One who helped the plot move along. But Holly didn’t like that role. She wanted a little more. And King, of course, knows when to listen to his characters. And so, Holly stuck around for awhile. She turned up again in later books. And now, she’s got a book all to herself.
Holly runs a detective agency called Finders Keepers, and it is this agency that a desparate woman calls. Her daughter is missing, and Holly—who is supposed to be taking some time off—reluctantly takes the case. A case which leads to Professors Rodney and Emily Harris, a pair of semi-retired octogenarian academics. A nice, bourgeouis couple who happen to have a terrible secret hidden in the basement.
This is all King needs, naturally. “Well, officer, they certainly seem like nice folk.” We’ll let you discover the rest of the story with Holly. Have fun! Keep the lights on!
Meanwhile, Craig Johnson is also back this week with The Longmire Defense, the latest book is his long-running series about the rugged Wyoming sheriff. This time around, Walt Longmire must confront the sins of the past while attempting to solve a horrific crime in the present. Family secrets come to light, of course, because nothing stays buried forever, and this book gives us a welcome glimpse into Longmire’s history. Recommended.
And William Kent Krueger is back this week as well. The River We Remember is a standalone novel that centers around a small Minnesota town in 1958. On Memorial Day, as residents gather to honor their sons who did not return from the war, the half-clothed body of a local landowner is found floating in the Alabaster River. The local sheriff, a decorated war hero with all sorts of scars—both physical and emotional—from the war, is swept up in a story that threatens to burn everything down. He, a war widow, an intrepid newspaper reporter, and a crusading lady lawyer must all find ways to overcome their own histories to save the town. Krueger’s standalone novels are always fantastic, and The River We Remember is definitely of the same caliber.
And speaking of high caliber entertainment, Chuck Palahniuk is back this week with Not Forever, But for Now. Brace yourselves, dear readers, because even though this seems like a cozy story about a charming pair of brothers who are living the good life in the Welsh countryside, it most certainly is not. This is the giallo version of Downton Abbey, where the veneers of polite society are nothing more than skinsuits harvested by crazy-eyed knife wielders. If you know Palahnuik, you know what you’re in for; if you don’t, well . . . good luck!
Here’s a palette cleanser. Scott Lang wrote a book! Now, I know what you’re thinking: Hey, isn’t Scott Lang a character in a Marvel movie? And isn’t that actor Paul Rudd on the cover? Well, you would be correct in both those thoughts, but that doesn’t mean a heartfelt memoir about the hard life of a single dad as he attempts to rise above a crime-riddled past to become a better role model for his kid (played by Abby Ryder Forston in the first two Ant-Man films, Emma Fuhrmann in Avengers: Endgame, and Kathryn Netwon in the most recent film—but who’s keeping track?) isn’t a meaningful story.
Look. We can always roll back and talk more about Chuck’s book. Your call.
Oh, hey! Another Christmas book. It’s all collapsing into a singularity, isn’t it?
And Dasher can cool his jets for three months, okay?
Frankly, the only Hallow-turducken-wasailopalooza book we should be looking at this week is Jeff Belanger’s The Fright Before Christmas: Surviving Krampus and Other Yuletide Monsters, Witches, and Ghosts. Because, gosh darn it!, we need useful surival tips for the next 117 days.
Somewhat related, but not entirely, but close enough to warrant mentioning is the Necronomicon Tarot Deck and Guidebook. Author Christopher March and illustrator James Bousema take some eldritch liberties with the suits and Major Arcana in this deck, which is to be expected. It’s the perfect Hallow-turducken-wassailopalooza gift for the Mythos Minder in your life.
And speaking of dead things, both Tom Clancy Weapons Grade and Clive Cussler Condor’s Fury are out this week. There comes a time, dear writers, when your name shall only be associated with your IP by the fact that it is shoved into the title field of a book. And so shall your books forever more be known.
- “Hey, do you have a copy of the new Tom Clancy novel?”
- “According to our distribution system, Tom Clancy hasn’t written a book since 2013.”
- “Well, I saw it the other day. White cover. His name is on it. Weapons something or another.”
- “You mean Tom Clancy Weapons Grade?”
- “Yeah, that’s it.”
- “That is a book written by Don Bentley.”
- “But it has Tom Clancy’s name on the cover.”
- “Because that’s the title of the book. Tom Clancy Weapons Grade.”
- “So it is a Tom Clancy book, then.”
- “No, it’s a Jack Ryan Jr novel. See? Says so right there.”
- “But . . . All I want is—well, I don’t know what I want now.”
- “How about Clive Cussler Condor’s Fury?”
- “Is that . . . is that a Dirk Pitt novel?"
- "No, it's the other guy."- “Which . . . ? Never mind. I’ll take it.”
We wish all readers of these sorts of books the best of luck in navigating these tricky metadata waters.
And finally, here’s something less complicated. Elena Armas’s The Long Game is a rom-com about soccer, failed careers, prickly locals, and goats. It’s all about figuring out how to be the best version of yourself, naturally, and along the way, finding someone who actually likes you. It’s like Ted Lasso meets It Happened One Summer, which is to say, a perfect match.
Maintain equilibrium, dear readers. Remember to bend once or twice a day, whether you need to or not. Rotate your vegetables. And don’t get overwhelmed by the hyphenated aggregate of the season. You can always visit us for a breather.
