August 16, 2012

Dear <<First Name>>:

Welcome to another edition of the life [simplified] letter.

News

Pender Yarn Clearance Barn

One of my projects while I was on Pender Island was to help my mom set up a shop on Esty. Mom used to own a yarn store and she kept much of the yarn inventory when she closed the store.

In her quest to downsize some of her stuff, we came up with the idea of trying to sell her yarn on Esty. Despite being older yarns, Mom has taken great care in storing them. The products are as good as any yarns you would find in a retail store but are clearance priced.

It was quite an adventure to set up the store especially for Mom who claims to be computer illiterate. However, she did great and managed to enter the listings herself including uploading digital photos. She has over 200 listings right now and that isn’t all of the inventory. If the shop proves successful, she’ll continue adding new items.

Mom has even navigated through a sale and shipping of an order. She had an order within a few days of opening. I'm proud of her. I hope she’s really successful.

If you are a crafter or knitter, or know someone who is, have a look at the shop. I know Mom would appreciate it if you made her shop a favourite. Let me know what you think of the little Pender Yarn Clearance Barn.

Quiet the Mind Chatter

Get back to work Monkey Mind!

The ego is like a clever monkey, which can co-opt anything, even the most spiritual practices, so as to expand itself. ~Jean-Yves Leloup

I had the following question come from a life [simplified] letter subscriber:

[I’m on holidays] …. Do you have any advice on how to just quiet your mind and be still? Maybe I just need more practice. Maybe I should take up yoga or meditation. But perhaps your life [simplified] has some tips on how to keep thoughts of work [from] intruding?

It’s a good question. I'm challenged to keep my mind quiet. I find it hard to just be in the present moment. I'm always thinking about the next thing I want to accomplish. As I thought about the question, I saw two separate, but related, issues.

The first issue is thoughts of work intruding on quiet time. I’m willing to bet that the work-related thoughts have something to do with a problem or issue.

Martha Beck who is one of my favourite life coaches, mainly because of her sense of humor, published an article a few years ago about letting go of repetitive thoughts. Her description of obsessive thoughts are "dirty pain." She suggests that when we try to control those thoughts by turning them over and over in our mind, we tend to re-enforce the thought and the pain that's associated with it.

Martha's solution is to acknowledge the thought, label it and let it “walk away.” In other words, to detach. For example, if she is worried about jet lag, she identifies all the thoughts that intensify her feelings or worry about jet lag. She labels them as worry, acknowledges them for what they are and lets them go. She says practice is required. Her description is about dirty pain, but I also think all obsessive thoughts fit the same mold.

My approach is to write down the obsessions. Writing down the thought probably serves as a means of detachment. It forces me to identify the thought and label it properly. I trust that I’ll remember what I need to do when I return to work because I have written it down. I can then let it go. Does this strategy always work? No, but it works more often than not.

The second issue is about being present in the moment. There is a Buddhist concept called Monkey Mind. The Buddhists believe that the mind is like a monkey that swings from tree to tree. Our minds run from thought to thought. The mind chatters away in a stream of random thoughts usually tending towards the negative. We may give into or believe these thoughts or we may fight them. Either way, we don’t find much peace.

I know that Monkey Mind. I call her Ms. MM for short. She often chatters away in my brain at various times of the day or night. Sometimes, it seems she has invited a whole troop of monkeys to the party.

Meditation, yoga or some other practices, as suggested by the subscriber, focus the mind and are useful for gaining some control. I should be the boss of my own mind - not Ms. MM. The Buddhists believe that if I give Ms. MM a part time job, it will keep her occupied. Usually that job is to focus on the breath or to focus on an object.

So since Ms. MM gets bored, sometimes quickly, my job as boss is to gently remind Ms. MM to get back to work, that is to focus. I've tried many focusing techniques. Honestly, some focusing practices don't work for me. Ms. MM doesn't like it when I sit or walk around aimlessly. She is very demanding.

So, I practice being in the moment a little differently. There are a number of mundane activities in my day that allow me to practice being present. It might be brushing my teeth, having a shower, washing dishes, among others. I tell Ms. MM to focus. Focus on the taste of the toothpaste. Focus on the hot water in the shower and how good it feels. Focus on rinsing the dishes and starting the dishwasher. Ms. MM is happy because I appear to be doing something productive while she focuses.

Then when I really want to be present, like when I'm having a conversation with my husband or my friends, I can use the same approach and really listen to what they have to say. Ms. MM is told to settle down, and by gosh, she listens because we've been practicing.

Being present has it's advantages. I get to focus and absorb all the rich details of the work I'm doing or the conversations I'm having with others. It makes those experiences more fun and rewarding. I’m also doing what a good spouse or friend should do, that is, I'm paying attention.

The bonus is that Ms. Monkey Mind quits chattering because she’s learned to pay attention, too.

Your life [simplified]

Do you find work thoughts invading your off hours? What is your experience with staying in the present moment? Do you find it hard?

What have you tried that could be shared with the subscriber that posed this question?

I'll look forward to your answers.

Have a great week!

Cheers,
Catherine

P.S. Check out my letter archives if you are interested in reading back issues.