"Granting Being"
By Caroline
How often do you hear someone criticizing his or her child? And, how often are you guilty of it yourself? I know I often am. So, what is it that makes us belittle the people we love the most? And what is that creating?
I think we get too comfortable with our loved ones, we take them for granted and we expect too much. We want them to be the best that they can be and we view it as good parenting, but is it really?
When we belittle or criticize our children, we are passing judgment; and whether it is private or in public, it is hurtful, demeaning and it creates a false impression. Over time, that misrepresentation becomes more and more of a reality to us, our child and others as we collect evidence to build our case.
For example, if you consistently say, “My kid is scared of everything,” sooner or later he will be perceived by others, and himself, as always scared. He will live in that made-up reality. And, if something genuinely frightening happens to him, it only serves to reinforce the untrue reality that you have created, which eventually becomes truth. It’s a vicious cycle. As a result, he holds back from trying new things, taking chances and exploring possibilities. All because he has not been granted the opportunity to be who he truly is.
It’s human nature to create expectations – we do it around everything in our lives: ourselves, our jobs, our partners, our children. And, while it’s appropriate to set expectations for ourselves, it’s not fair to impose them on others. It’s like handing someone a 100 lb. weight; they have to carry our expectations around and hope they don’t drop them, because if they do we’ll be right there to tell them how disappointed we are.
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So, what’s the solution? I call it “Granting Being,” a beautiful expression that just means “loving someone for who he is and accepting him for who he is not.” I believe that if you grant being to the ones you love and accept them for who they truly are (and are not), they will have space to be and to grow! And isn’t that what we truly want for our children?
Imagine how much peace we would experience if we could just let others be exactly who they are and are not. So, starting immediately, I am concentrating on no longer criticizing my daughter and seeing her for exactly who she is and isn’t … because she’s pretty amazing just as she is. To me, that is a goal worth pursuing! Wish me luck :-)
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