We’re in the slow season for weddings. According to brides.comonly six percent of weddings take place in November and - hopefully you’re sitting down for this - those rates dip down to as low as two percent in January! But that doesn’t mean we get to hang up our stoles and go into winter hibernation mode. Au contraire, we’re heading into the busiest part of the year - engagement season, which is when things start to get crazy. Engagement season = preparation season!
This engagement season, American Marriage Ministries will be working twice as hard to draw attention to our ministers’ contributions, and underscore the importance of a meaningful and personalized ceremony. No matter how much the couple spends on the catering, the dress, the floral arrangements… We tend to forget that the ceremony is the main reason that loved ones are being drawn together in the first place, and is easily the most overlooked element of a wedding. Let’s show the world how it’s done!
When you perform wedding ceremonies in 2019, we’re going to make sure that you have a growing library of wedding officiating instructions. In our store, we’re offering even more options for ceremonial wedding certificates, stoles, and new officiating packages that our product development team says we can’t tell you about - yet - so stay tuned, and we hope you enjoy this month’s newsletter!
Lewis King, Executive Director
Minister Spotlight: Rachael
When Rachael Tanner was asked to officiate her friend’s wedding she wanted to be ordained by a place whose philosophy and mission appealed to her. That led her to American Marriage Ministries. She performed that first wedding in a meaningful, warm, and stylish manner. She enjoyed the experience so much she began to offer her services on a regular basis. Rachael told AMM that, “As a person of faith who is open to other traditions--and those with no traditions--I have been able to minister to those who don't have a home in organized religion. It's a huge blessing!”
Since 2017, when she founded Officially Hitched, Rachael has officiated over 60 ceremonies in the nine counties that surround San Francisco's Bay Area. Sometimes her advice to couples goes in a direction she wasn’t expecting. “I had suggested an elegant wine ceremony to represent drinking from the same glass throughout life. They loved the idea, but wanted to change it to their favorite drink, a shot of Hennessy. At first, I was worried it might be tacky. But the guests thought it was hilarious because it so perfectly fit the couple. I learned to trust my couples and their instincts about what's right for them!”
Rachael says that the key to officiating is to hold a job of a wedding officiant as holding space for something miraculous to occur. “To do that”, she says, “We must be present in ourselves and be fully in the moment. Taking in the energy, emotions, expressions, and activities around us; keeping calm, and gently directing the ceremony towards its purpose.” When the unexpected comes up “If you calmly communicate what’s happening you can handle it and make it look easy.” Rachael’s most important bit of advice is to, “Take your time. The ceremony isn't something to get through, the ceremony is the thing.”
Ask Natasha: AMM Answers Your Questions
Dear AMM,
I’m about to officiate my first wedding and I’m worried about something. We’ve worked together to write an awesome ceremony, but I’m nervous about is what to wear. The couple just told me they want to me to be “comfortable,” but I want to look the part as well. How can I draw attention to my role as the minister without upstaging the couple?
To start, attire is always best discussed with the couple to make sure everyone is on the same page with expectations. Even if the couple says, “Just be comfortable/Wear whatever you’d like,” you would still want to get as many details about their wedding as possible to determine your attire. Is the ceremony indoor or outdoor? What will the weather be like? Is it a laid back, bohemian-feel event, or will there be chandeliers, tuxedos and cocktail dresses?
Couples hosting a casual backyard wedding will probably feel a little funny standing next to a formally-dressed officiant, while those having a black-tie affair will likely not appreciate their officiant showing up in a hula shirt. (Not to mention, officiants wearing heels will want to make sure they’re sinking into a lawn while speaking!) Each occasion and season calls for something a little different, so it’s a good idea to share your plans for attire with the couple so there are no complaints on the big day.
Truly, you can wear whatever you feel and look best in for your event, but when in doubt: go for something neutral, but polished. Many officiants opt for simple, solidly-colored outfits: slacks, dress shirt, tie and a jacket, or dress pants with a trendy blouse and/or a blazer. Solid black, navy, or khaki-colored ensembles with minimal prints or colors will create a clean, refined look that won’t distract from the couple.
That said, if you want to make a statement and are looking for that something “extra” to define who you are and what your role is, there will be no mistaking you as anyone but the officiant if you wear a stole! Stoles have long-since been worn by those who perform marriage. Traditionally, stoles are worn with ministerial robes. Choral and religious robes are very similar (the difference being the quality of detail, cut, and material), and simple choral robes are frequently selected by wedding officiants as a cost-effective alternative. Today, however, you will find that many officiants simply pair their stole with one of the neutral or solidly-colored outfits mentioned above. The result is a modern, trendy and highly distinguished ensemble!
Natasha
Celebrity AMM Minister
While every one of our Ministers is a celebrity, not all of you have your own TV show. Lisa Vanderpump, star of the Vanderpump Rules, has been an AMM minister since 2013. She does not take this role lightly. On an episode of her hit reality show, Vanderpump initially declined to officiate a wedding for a couple. She had doubts about the couple's ability to commit. Vanderpump said "I take marriage very seriously. Very seriously."
Vanderpump had seen the the couple fighting and was hesitant to be an officiant for them. She told them “I'm concerned taking the responsibility. I just need to know that you're really committed to each other.”
This is the kind of Minister we are proud to have at AMM. She understands the importance of the officant’s role in the ceremony.
Vanderpump eventually did agree to officiate the wedding. After her warning, the couple reexamined their love and made a real effort to the commitment of marriage. She told them "I am happy and honored now to officiate your wedding. I love you both.”
The officiant’s role in the wedding is both critical and unique. Couple’s should have the right to choose the person that officiates the most important ceremony of their life, and ministers should understand and show reverence for that honor.
