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News From The Future!
President Trump Is Giving Coal for Christmas!
(And Not Just to Those Who Are Naughty.")
"It's a Great Gift...Really..St. Nicholas Was a Liberal!"
"He Used to Ask Me for Donations...And Would Do Anything for Them!
"See, That's Not Sexist!"
Dismissing while summarizing the accomplishments of his first year, President Donald Trump emphasized the qualities of coal and how the signers of the Paris Climate Accords "just didn't get it."
And reiterated that climate change was a "hoax".
The President's love for coal is difficult to understand--especially as one doesn't have to believe in climate change to see that coal is perhaps the worst possible fuel to be promoting. Why promote a source of energy that pollutes heavily and kills the people who mine it (as well as people who breathe it)? Especially now that there are far less harmful sources of energy that have been developed???
But the President isn't open to change: "Take a look at my next tweet," said President Trump, " 'Solar Sucks... and Wind Blows! Get it? Wind blows.' Really! Wind blows! Is there anybody better at this than I am?"
 
News From The Past
The Holidays are a time of tradition. Here's ours:
163 BC
"All the News That's Fit to Chisel!"
Jews Claim to Set New Record for Energy Efficiency
No Longer Have to Depend on Persians for Eternal Oil?
It's a Miracle!
The Jews of Jerusalem claimed a new record for energy efficiency today as their temple's eternal light burned for eight days despite having only one day's supply of oil.
Does this mean an answer to the Eternal Oil Crisis?
As the eternal flame is based on olive oil, this could be a challenge to OPEC--the Olive Petroleum Exporting Countries.
However, doubts were generated as word of the oil miracle was contained within an epistle stating that the Jews defeated the Greeks in a battle over the Temple of Jerusalem.
A spokesman for pro-roadway lobbying group Alpha Alpha Alpha (AAA) put it this way. "Right! And the guys who teach abacus in town can kick the Spartan's asses! And I'm King Antiochus the Fourth!
"And, what if it is true? We're not going to run our horses on olive oil, are we? Sorry, Pegasus, no more hay, here's some olive oil.
"So, is it really such a big deal? Geez, why don't we make an annual holiday of it for Athena's sake?"
Jewish community leader Judah Maccabee responded, "This miracle is just the first of many. We believe that it is Jehovah's will to replace the horse with the hybrid mule. And, by the way, if you have to take a mule on a long trip, you should offset its methane emissions."
But, Britannia Petroleum, multinational producer of olive oil and hay, also downplayed the significance of the Jews' achievement. "Zeus wouldn't have put hay in the ground if he didn't want us to use it. Alternatives to hay might be feasible in ten to twenty years, but not now," asserted a BP spokesman.
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