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Like, Oprah, I’ve tried all the things. Jenny Craig. Weight Watchers. Whole Life Challenge. Intermittent fasting.
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Eventually I stopped trying. While I whimpered at unflattering photos, my rage about societal expectations about women's appearance overwhelmed my internalized unattainable Western beauty standards and anti-fat bias.
And, I love pizza.
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Still, as the mother of two daughters, I have worked hard to turn the conversational dial hard in the other direction in our home. They aren't going to learn to deprive and hate their bodies from me, I promised myself.
As for me, I just ignored my health trajectory and bought bigger clothes.
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Over the past 25 years, I hit a bunch of career, family, and life goals ... and also, I gained 50 pounds. Of greatest concern, I lost muscle mass and gained visceral fat - which wraps around our critical abdominal organs. And my energy level has not always kept up with my demanding lifestyle.
The college athlete muscles I used to cover up became a black and white pre-menopausal memory (I somehow thought I was "fat" at the time rather than fabulously fit and healthy, thanks to our "thin worship" culture and flawed BMI metrics).
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As we dropped off our youngest child at college, I decided enough was enough. We were empty nesters. It was time to take my health as seriously as I take my kids' health.
I got to work on a plan to take back my health the next day.
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Y'all, I went Hollywood. Bring me the experts! At the recommendation of a friend, I checked out Sarah Wragge's science-based approach and booked a consultation where I learned that I needed to stabilize my rollercoasting blood sugar. I was matched with a program and coach (click here to find the right program, coach, and price point for you at Sarah Wragge Wellness).
For the past four months, my wonderful nutrition coach Christine Semple has educated me alongside custom meals by Monique Rugile, personal training from Meghan Lydon, data from a Whoop band, readings from Nutrisense glucose monitor, and accountability from Ate food tracking app. I've even been trying to get more and better sleep.
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* (I don't get anything from sharing these links - I just know y'all are going to be writing me for them lol).
Like I said, this was a go big or go home moment for me so I made a big bet. I didn't want a diet. I wanted a new lifestyle. The former athlete in me wanted to feel like an athlete again.
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Well, I have good news, my dear good people! I am making great progress on my health goals, including losing 25+ pounds. I feel better. I move better. I look better. I play better pickleball - your girl is sprinting to those drop shots (check out my heart rate stats above!)! I am joyful.
Awesome, right? I feel hopeful and I should be leaning into that joy like it's a tub of Ben and Jerry's and telling the world.
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And yet. And yet.
I am scared to trust this joy. My brain barks at me to stop. I haven't uttered a word on social media, where one typically shouts such dopamine surging things from the mountaintops.
After all, what if I take one step forward, and two steps backward ... again? Won't I look foolish for having been hopeful? So, instead of trusting my joy, I sometimes look and feel like this ....
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Then I remember once hearing (I can't figure out where?) that progress rolls more like a brick than a wheel.
And, yesterday I saw NYU Stern PhD student Benjamin Poag present his latest research-in-progress co-authored with my colleague Nathan Pettit. Inspired by classic research on "psychological momentum: intuitive physics and naive beliefs", they and others like Jessica Paek (who studies "progress steadiness" - I just love these construct names!) explore the implications of how we perceive progress and momentum in a wide variety of organizational and societal contexts.
Ah! Bricks! Wheels! It's all coming together. We are all works-in-progress. How could I forget?
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My take: The problem with the wheel model is that we are surprised when there is backward motion and start doubting the direction and stability of the wheel. In the brick model, we are ready for the backward tumble, and know we just need to keep pushing forward.
Anyway, back to me and my fragility/vanity/secrecy/fixed mindset. Of course, my health journey will go forward and backwards. If progress rolls like a brick, then maybe I can trust my joy in this moment of progress?
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If we approach progress in our physical health, our emotional health, and yes, our societal health too, like a rolling brick, we celebrate the hard-earned rolls forward, whenever and wherever we can get it. We know the brick won't always go forward but when it does and even when it doesn't, joy isn't elective; it's essential.
So, I am going to ignore the barking in my brain and lean into a moment of vulnerability - trusting my joy and trusting you with it. Here we go: a selfie from this week that is giving me joy!
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Speaking of joy ... it’s time for the most popular Dear Good People issue of the year, packed with end-of-year pick-me-ups to help us keep fighting the good-ish fight.
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Long time readers loved the 2021, 2022, and 2023 Joy Issues! The 2024 JOY ISSUE is back (with some fan favorites from past issues sprinkled in).
ENJOY (and if your email truncates, click "view entire message" at the bottom to see each and every joy-giving link!) ...
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I call this one survival of the sweetest.
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Whatever Pedigree paid the ad agency behind this, it wasn’t enough. #GoodDog
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Bonus fan favorite from the past: Fireflies
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Art that delights one’s soul and blows one’s mind
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You don’t look at the art of Patrik Proško. You wander around it.
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This is art for these digital times. Also, why am I so obsessed with font fashion?
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Bonus fan favorite from the past: Good Bones by poet Maggie Smith
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There are few things as satisfying as belting out a song in the car …
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… or in a crowd (first minute of the video)
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Bonus fan favorite from the past: Found / Tonight mashup
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Nothing like a good ole fashioned reunion of the Sister Act 2 cast to lift your spirits.
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This video of an improv dance event (random partner, random song) got me to sign up for dance lessons.
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I was forever changed by this performance … and the joy at the end.
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It’s a Brandi Carlile doubleheader but all’s fair in love and Joni Mitchell’s world.
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Bonus fan favorite from the past: Little Drummer Boy by Pentatonix and Valarie Kaur’s Watch Night Speech (I watch it every year)
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Until we crush the patriarchy's obsession with women's appearance, I will celebrate the makeovers that remind women of their inner and outer beauty (and how manufactured the outer all is).
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Speaking of bricks. Brilliant technique, brilliant metaphor, brilliant meditation.
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Bonus fan favorites from the past: Dad and Toddler Chat, Kid’s President’s Pep Talk, and the late Chadwick Boseman’s beautiful 2018 Howard University Commencement Address
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Books give me joy! Autographed books are a great gift. Do you have someone in your life who would appreciate THE PERSON YOU MEAN TO BE or A MORE JUST FUTURE?
I would love to help you make your gift a little extra special by personalizing and signing a free book plate (or ten!) for you and those you are sharing the book with. Think about friends, family, colleagues, book clubs, and educators.
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All you need to do is buy either book from any bookseller you like and click here to request a free personalized book plate from me. Request as many as you like (just fill out a unique form for each) and don't forget to get one for yourself!
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Please submit your request by December 16 at 8 pm ET if you would like your book plates to be in the batch going in the mail December 17 (in order to hit your mailbox before Hanukkah, Christmas, and Kwanzaa). Cocoa and I are ready with our sharpies in hand!
Wishing you much JOY in the new year,
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