Caroline writes about a new coaching framework, Difficult Conversations, & the power of dreaming.
How are you, friends? I hope you are having a lovely, peaceful holiday season! I’m about to have a house full of in-laws (Two in the house now, four more coming!) from out of town, and I also have a child (still) finishing up his college application process. It’s lovely, perhaps. Peaceful, no. Haha.
Happy Holidays from our family!
Photo credit: Chong Oh
In my conversations with clients in the last couple of months, it's been hard not to feel the heavy weight of all the great pain and anxiety in the world, and how these feelings are spilling into the way we are all working and living together too. It’s crazy to say, but there have been moments when I found myself experiencing a slight sense of nostalgia for the days of COVID when the world faced a shared adversary of a terrible disease, rather than being harmed by conflicts and violence among people.
I’ve also thought about what it was like growing up in Korea in the early 1980s. Back then, it felt simpler when everyone could easily identify whose side we were on. For me then, I thought that all North Koreans were without a doubt evil, while South Koreans were good people, even though North and South Koreans are the same people forced to become sworn enemies. At least that’s how it seemed to me then as a child. It's hard, as good, kind people, not always knowing how we should navigate the world and how we should show up in this complex, fast-changing time.
As I approach my tenth year as an executive and leadership coach, I can't help but feel that I've spent a significant portion of my life preparing to support leaders during challenging times like these—times fraught with uncertainties, unknowns, and triggers. It’s not to say that I’m especially good at what I do or that I’m working on something as important as world peace or anything. However, I genuinely believe that my work matters at this particular moment. I'm grateful for the effort I’ve put into learning how to guide people through meaningful conversations, and tackling tough subjects, whether in one-on-one coaching or group facilitation.
Organizational and Relationship Systems Coaching (ORSC)
This year, I've delved into a new framework called Organizational and Relationship Systems Coaching (ORSC). I've been intrigued by the idea of team coaching and have started incorporating it into my practice with increased training and grounding. I loved the first two ORSC classes I took this year for my Professional Certified Coach (PCC) credentials renewal process with the International Federation of Coaches (ICF.)
If I liken my usual coaching approach to different members of a team to coaching star musicians like John Lennon and Paul McCartney individually, ORSC offers a perspective that guides you in coaching the entire team, akin to the Beatles. This involves treating the team as an entity itself with its distinctive identity, personality, and goals. I plan on taking subsequent classes next year to keep learning, and also to get in shape for the next PCC renewal phase. (I was in utter shock this spring as I realized my credentials were about to expire in October!) If you are a practitioner of ORSC, please let me know! I would love to hear what it’s been like for you to coach teams using the model.
If you listen to the podcast, you can also gain some insight into the honest reflection some of us Gen-X folks have about helping people work better within what may be a flawed system/culture/society. I have mixed feelings about this. She shared an example of how one might deal with a colleague who’s making you feel uncomfortable by expressing his romantic interest, and how much negative feedback she received from outraged readers who thought she was victim-blaming and enabling an abuser. When is the right time to stop enabling by calling out bad behaviors and demanding systematic change, and when do you focus on empathy, connection, and collaboration? Is there a good way to do both? Another book that makes space for this kind of grappling is Just Work by Kim Scott, her follow-up to Radical Candor. Please let me know if you want a book summary for any of these books. I’m also reserving two copies of each book to send to those who want to dig deeper. Just hit reply and let me know which book you would like.
Dreaming is a form of planning
During difficult times like this, I think it’s important to be able to have a vision for a better future (I know, it sounds cliché...) and not lose hope and optimism. It’s also important not to lose ourselves in the world of vague ideas, but to prioritize concrete action, even if it’s small, to make things better today. About six months ago, I was at a small event honoring Gloria Steinem hosted by Women Cross DMZ, and was touched by what she said.
“Dreaming is a form of planning.”
Apparently, it’s something she says often but I’ve never heard it before. On my way home, I searched for the quote online, and found this longer quote on her website:
“Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning."
If you would like to learn more about Gloria's life and career, this "Gloria Steinem" Design Matters podcast hosted by Debbie Millman is a great listen.
When we think about planning, our minds tend to gravitate only towards spreadsheets and checklists. I hope we are not skipping the “fun” big-picture part. What does it look like if you are wildly successful? When I ask my clients what would be different about them when they’ve met their coaching goals, or to picture their lives two years from now when every aspect of their lives and work is thriving, the purpose is to help them break free and get unstuck from the current challenges and envision what they really want. This process can often help uncover what’s really important, set some milestones and goals toward the vision, and serve as a catalyst for initiating positive changes.
I plan on sharing more about reflection and planning in next month’s Notes. If you would like to spend the end of the year getting started on this, please see this LinkedIn article from a talk I gave to a group of women leaders at WID (Women In Development) a couple of years ago. My December 2022 Notes is a useful resource as well (Remember the + - Energy Audit, and Year End Reflection Questions?)
But please don’t forget to dream a little, and have fun.
Wishing you a wonderful holiday season and a beautiful end to 2023. See you all next year!
